i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
