It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
