Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
