Please, let me fuck your mom
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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