You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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