I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
