hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
