Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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