i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
