Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
