i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
