u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I currently don't understand fingers.
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