Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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