I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
