i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Randomize