so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
