SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I need to calm my uterus...
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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