he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
is that a dick in a sweater?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize