Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
