a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
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