he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I looked at my own cervix.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
