you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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