I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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