using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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