ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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