she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
