just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
