sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
