i need an iv and a liver transplant
accomplished twins. life is a go
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize