3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
