is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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