I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
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