You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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