i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I have post one night stand depression
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize