I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
