I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
