i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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