I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Randomize
