ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
