I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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