I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
