Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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