What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
