I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Randomize
