Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
