Whod you bang
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
