I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
