i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
