Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
