I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
he just fucked me for my cheese..
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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