Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
