peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
it was like eating out sand paper
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize