yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
