Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
