Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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