so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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