I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
