ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize