I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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