I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
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