even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
