Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize