dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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