So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
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