Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
