I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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