Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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