I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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