This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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