You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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