There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
