brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
